Chemical Imbalance
by Spinda Hater Ninety Seven
Summary: Ash has had depression for many years, though the symptoms come and go as they please. Now that his journey has begun, he has to explain everything to his friends one by one, and wait for the relapse when they finally leave. May cause triggering. Shipping to be decided at a later time.
1. Chapter 1

_Summary: Ash has had depression for many years, though the symptoms come and go as they please. Now that his journey has begun, he has to explain everything to his friends one by one, and wait for the relapse when they finally leave._

Chapter One: Delia

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Before it all began, Ash had been quite the rambunctious child. He would spend his afternoons running around, playing with Pokemon, his mornings getting in trouble for talking to Gary too much in class, and his evenings playing video games or arguing with his mum about going to bed. The hyperactivity wore Delia out to no end, but nonetheless she was grateful that her son was so happy- a joy that would soon come to an end.

The signs were subtle at first; sometimes he'd get more angry at his mum during their arguments, and a lot more often. Other times, he would just go to bed without warning, and when she asked about it, he'd say he wasn't feeling well. She thought it was normal for a kid to wind down every once in a while, but she still worried.

After a while, the signs grew more and more prominent. With each passing week, she would get less and less calls from his teachers, and less and less smiles from Ash in general. She noticed a drop in grades, a drop in energy, yet an increase in times she caught him crying. Then he started not eating, not going to friends' houses, not wanting to play video games… Delia was really starting to get worried now. She she took him to a doctor, and he was diagnosed with depression.

Ash didn't seem to care when the man broke the news to them (he didn't seem to care about much of anything, really), but Delia was shocked. A seven year old with depression? This couldn't be right. But the doctor explained that while it was relatively rare, it wasn't unheard of, and he'd dealt with it many times in the past. So he prescribed some medication and some therapy, saying he'd be back to normal in no time. And he was right; the next thing Delia knew, Ash was running around and being all hyper again.

The thing was, the pills and the therapy weren't working as well as everyone thought they were. The medicine just made Ash numb, not happy, and the therapy just made him embarassed. It made him feel weak. So at a young age, Ash Ketchum learned how to fake a smile and pretend nothing was wrong, and eventually he got so caught up in the act that he forgot about the lies that lay inside of him.

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**A/N: Sorry this is so short, I promise the next chapter won't be!**

**And, I'm really sorry that I haven't been updating anything recently. I'll try to work on that this semester, as I'm taking a creative writing class and after this project that's due on Monday, we have like, one thing, and then the rest of the class is free write. So, hopefully that will give me time to write.**

**I hope you enjoy!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: Misty

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Despite the fact that Ash had gotten caught up in the act, he never could forget that dark time in his life when all he really wanted to do was sleep or die. He couldn't forget the darkness ebbing away at him, like it was taking over and he had no way to fight back. It was like every time he got a question wrong, another inch of lead was added to the growing ball in his chest, or every time someone laughed at him, he had another desire to climb up somewhere really high and just jump off, just to feel like he was falling forever and could forget about his worries. He'd hated the pills and he'd hated the therapy and he'd hated those sad, disappointed looks his mother gave him. He hated thinking about it. So he tried not to.

But when he heard someone saying something stupid about the mental disorder, such as "they're only faking it for attention", or "gosh I'm so depressed you guys, I found out I failed a test this morning and I've been sad all day", he couldn't help but feel the anger bubble up inside of him. Why would anyone fake being like this all the time? They didn't know what it was like. They could never know the feeling of no one wanting them or being alone all the time. They just wouldn't.

And then came the day when Ash and Misty were separated from Brock and Pikachu while they were roaming around Kanto. Then came the day that she herself was the cause of the anger bubbling up inside of him.

As the two were trudging along the path, looking for any sign of the two, she sighed and said, "Man, this is making me so depressed. Where could they be?"

Ash stopped walking and turned his head to give Misty one of the biggest bitchfaces he'd ever given. Once she realized his lack of presence, she turned and nearly leaped back at the sight.

"W-What's that for?" she asked, glaring back. "Don't be turning against me now, Ketchum! We've still got to work together to find…"

"Do not talk about depression like that," he growled. Misty's eyes widened; Ash knew that when he normally got into an argument with her, all that usually ensued was rage and shouting, but without knowing it, she'd treaded onto thin ice, and he was about to break it.

She hesitated for a moment. "...Why not?"

Swallowing thickly, he began to walk forwards, glaring at the ground. "It's not that great of a subject for me."

As she caught up to him, she asked, "What do you mean?"

He stopped again, sighing and turning to her. "I mean, I'm a little sensitive about it." She was silent as she stared at him, but eventually, he continued. "Look, I had depression when I was seven, okay? And when people make fun of it or say things like you just did, it makes me feel like it's not a valid problem, like it's not worth being concerned over. I don't know if you know this or not, but that definitely does not help at all. It makes it so much worse; any kind of confirmation that you're worthless, no matter how small it is, just adds to everything making you depressed in the first place, and someday someone's going to say something like that, and someone suffering from this will hear it, and they'll think, 'that's it, I'm just worthless. No point in living', and they'll go and commit suicide." He turned to face forwards and began to walk again. "So… Yeah. Please, just don't say things like that anymore."

He didn't hear any footsteps for a moment, so he began to slow down. No need to be angry, lost, and alone all at once. Before he knew it, however, he heard the tennis shoes pounding against the dirt path, and a pair of arms launch themselves around his quiet frame. The ten year old heard shaky breaths coming from the eleven year old; he spun around and returned the hug.

"I'm so sorry, Ash," she whispered, "I had no idea."

"It's okay, it's okay. No one does. You shouldn't feel bad. You're not the first to say it, and you're definitely not the last." He pulled away long enough to look into her aqua eyes and say, "Though, could you do me a favor and not say anything to Brock or Pikachu about it? I'll tell them when I feel the time's right."

She nodded and held him close once more; all that he could do was hug her back and pray she'd never be faced with the situation herself.


End file.
